Not all my exes were total fucks. I did have one nice boyfriend, though I think
he was only able to remain kind because intimacy was never part of the
equation. (Sex probably should be
reserved for procreation.) He was well
groomed and properly raised. He loved
Jesus and his mother, and always made sure I knew that Jesus loved me too.
He was my very first boyfriend (remember I was a late
bloomer), and also my date to the senior prom.
Our relationship was born from our mutual involvement in the drama
department. He didn’t carry a canteen
and he didn’t play Magic. He read books
for real and was polite to everyone --- honestly, he was almost sickingly
sweet.
He was so considerate and gentle hearted that he tormented
himself over the contents of his official break up letter. He carefully crafted sentences and
contemplated his vocabulary for long hours, having his neighbor proof read his
work, and first discarding several drafts.
Although he had composed a break up letter, our end was
mutual and extremely amicable. It was
the end of my senior year, and his junior year.
Before heading out to several graduation parties, my best friend
Melissa, her then boyfriend Michael, and our mutual male friend Patrick,
stopped in at the town’s Dairy Queen, where my boyfriend was working that
afternoon.
He came out of the kitchen to greet us, and Michael and
Patrick simultaneously kissed him upon the forehead. If I remember correctly, Patrick thought this
would be amusing as, according to him, this practice is one observed by
mobsters before sending a brother who has betrayed them to “sleep with the
fishes.” I’ve never been in a mob,
though, so don’t trust me as an authority on this.
As my boyfriend never wished to offend anyone, he acted like
receiving these kisses was perfectly normal and just beamed us his brilliant
smile, “Hey, what’s up guys?” There may
have been a thumbs up here too, but I can’t guarantee the truth of that statement
either.
“Hi. We should break
up,” was my prompt and brief response.
There was no need on my part for flowery, sentimental speech and
painstakingly selected words. I just cut
straight to the chase.
Secretly, I probably did want him to be at least a little
bit heartbroken. Instead, he kept right
on smiling, and said, “Oh. Thank goodness. I’ve been wanting to tell you.” He continued, “here,” and handed me a neatly
folded note he pulled out of his jean pocket. The outside of that note read, “Top
Secret. J
Do not read until bedtime. J”
He was a big fan of smiley faces. This remains the reason I still sometimes say
“smiley face” because I had to vocalize every smiley face he had sketched on
the paper when I read this note aloud repeatedly to my friends and we all
enjoyed it in fits of laughter.
I have held on to that note for all these years and it still
makes me laugh every time that I read it.
I think you will be highly impressed with the vocabulary and obvious
time and effort that was dedicated to the not-so-tragic demise of our six week
relationship … maybe two months. I don’t
quite recall. Along with that note, he
gave me a small bookmark with a poem about friendship on it, and a yellow
chocolate rose.
For your reading pleasure, here is the exact content of that
break-up letter:
Angie -- J
Hey, what’s up? J
Yeah, I know – letter writing is stupid … but I’m never around at a decent time
and things always come out wrong face to face.
So, first of all, I’d like to say “Congratulations” on your graduation
again. It must be nice – just think, I’ve
got 365 days left of THS! J Someone like yourself
will go far in life – keep working hard and success in all areas of life will
be yours J (there I go, sounding like
some mentor or something ….). Anyways,
best of luck in the future! J
You know that during
the past week or so, I’ve really been wrestling with my emotions and thinking
things over. Thank you for all of the
good times we’ve shared, and all of the talks we’ve had – I’m really glad that
this year we have evolved from strangers to people who know each other fairly
well. J
I think and hope that what we’ve developed is a basis for what could be a
wonderful, long-lasting friendship – like the one in the poem. I guess I don’t know quite how to say this,
but in my thinking I’ve come to the conclusion that this “type of friendship”
is what best suits and describes us. The
yellow rose is a symbol of friendship – the “sweet” friendship we have. J
GAG! (That wasn’t in the letter – that’s my
interjection.)
So, what does this
mean? As far as I’m concerned, not much
really has to change with us. What we
basically possess right now is a steady friendship – a friendship I would like
to keep. I’ll always be here for you as
your friend. Whenever you need or want
to talk – or do whatever – I’d still like to be here for you – if you’ll let
me. I’m sorry for being such a jerk
about all of this. I just want you to
know that there’s nothing wrong that you did nor anything wrong with you that
influenced my thinking. We’ve talked
about not letting others influence the way an individual thinks – trust me,
this decision was fabricated by myself.
No one’s specific opinion entered into my thinking for this; it’s just
the way I feel. I hope you understand …
if you’re mad, don’t be angry with yourself or anyone else – I deserve all the
blame you want to give. I just couldn’t let
myself lead you or anyone else on; I really “like” you as a close friend (if
you can find it in you to still be my friend), but I “like” other people in
that other way. I didn’t want to lie to
you and think I don’t like those others (and just so you know – it’s not
Rachael J).
TRANSLATION: You won’t have sex with me. I “like” sex. Or in his case, it might have
just been “heavy petting”; I only allowed very light petting – like you can
kiss my lips and hold my hand. End of
list. (Oops! Another interjection.)
I’m not making much
sense … just remember, you ARE a wonderful, nice person – you’ll make
some gorgeous college guy beyond happy (in that special sense) someday. Thanks for everything we’ve done and shared –
I hope a friendship will produce more fun times. Just because I’ve been a jerk as your
boyfriend doesn’t mean I can’t be a good friend. Please accept my friendship conveyed in the
poem and symbolized by the rose! J
I’m sorry I can be so
confusing … I know my timing isn’t the greatest either. Please don’t let this
affect the treasure you have achieved this weekend. You deserve a great graduation – which means
you shouldn’t have to worry about me, or anything this weekend! J
I just had to let you know how I felt and what I thought; my conscience has
finally quit burning. You deserve
someone way better than me, but I can understand if you’re angry. With a touch of God’s hand, things always
work out … I’ll see you later. J
A friend if you’ll let
me be,
Ryan J
OFFICIAL SMILEY FACE
COUNT: 12
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