The Wonder of Youth

I woke up before my two young children and slowly sat up in bed.  I glanced out the bedroom window to witness a thin layer of snow covering the ground.  My initial thought went straight to Damn.  I took absolutely no joy in nature’s beauty.  I have witnessed over thirty snowfalls, and the first few flakes have long ago ceased to excite me.  These days, my thoughts go to colder weather, more cautious driving, and the threat of Seasonal Affective Depressive Disorder.  

Then my daughter, not quite two years old, arose.  As she too gazed out the glass window pane upon waking, an expression of pure awe and wonderment spread over her entire precious face.  She looked back at me and smiled, then pointing out the window and tilting her head in a toddler’s inquisitive fashion.

“It’s snow, Emily,” I said. “Snow.”

“Snow. Snow. Snow,” she repeated with unreserved glee.  She began to bounce up and down in the bed as she grinned from ear to ear repeating this one word that had inspired cursing in my adult mind. “Snow! Snow! Snow!”

I bundled both children up, and took them to daycare.  When she got out of the car and when her feet first landed in the snow, her wonder began completely anew – as though she had forgotten what she observed and learned this morning.  She pointed down at the ground and beamed at me once more. 

“Yes. Snow, Emily,” I told her, “Do you remember?”

“Snow! Snow! Snow!” she excitedly shouted once again and stomped her tiny little feet up and down in the wet, white substance.

I had to scoop her up into my arms to bring her into the building as she appeared content to remain standing in the cold forever, stomping up and down and smiling in the snow.

When did I turn bitter? When did I stop appreciating beauty?  When did it happen to you?

Sometimes I wish we could all see the world as young children see it.  We would be more appreciative, and more grateful.  We would have more moments filled with awe and wonder, and absolute, unmitigated joy – pure joy. 

We could forget the evils we know and the worries that consume our minds and be content to stay in one place smiling and relishing the moment.  We need to allow ourselves to see the world through the eyes of children so that we can know more of love.  

Blogging's Most Bad-Ass Bitches

Yesterday, Blogger decided it would be a good day to fuck me, and so it failed to function properly.  Therefore, I was unable to begin National Blog Post Month.  Despite Blogger being a bastard, I am trudging on.  I will not accept defeat even though Day One could be classified as an “epic fail.”  My resilience leads me to share one of my favorite quotes from Mary Pickford: “This thing we call failure is not in the falling down, but the staying down.”  If you are a friend or follower, you know that this girl always, always, gets back up  -- even when others would like to see me stay on the ground. 

There are a few folks that are always happy to see me rise again – and many of them exist within the blogging community.  When I first began blogging, I had no idea what a supportive group of individuals existed out there in the blogosphere. It’s been about three months since I started this journey, and nearly every day I’m discovering some great new voice or being discovered by a blogger who is already far more established than I.  There’s two fantastic communities that I owe much of this wonderful ride to – yeah write and Blogger Idol.  I had hoped to have my play at home link up yesterday, but you know … Blogger was being a bitch.  Blogger was not being a fun bitch like me either; it was a nasty bitch.  Yes, there is absolutely a difference. 

 

 

This week’s Blogger Idol play at home link is truly a tribute to the beautiful blogging community.  It began from the concept “Good Bloggers Pay it Forward,” and thus the assignment was to discuss and promote at least four of your favorite blogs – with one of those blogs belonging to an individual associated with Blogger Idol.  Because I always need to bend the rules at least a little bit, I’m focusing on five amazing blogs this week.  Furthermore, all these blogs are from intelligent, witty women that could totally kick your ass if it came to that.  I want these bad ass bitches on my side, so let’s begin:

#1.  I met Susannah Brown through yeah write, and I am absolutely certain that we would be besties in real life.  We already discussed buying those necklaces we all had in about sixth grade – you know the ones that are split in the middle and when placed together read “Best Friends,” and make everyone else feel excluded.  Susannah writes over at Whoa Susannah! (formerly Write, Rinse, Repeat) and she is one hell of a witty wordsmith with a colorful upbringing that left her with many unique characters.  Susannah also coined the brilliant term “Douche Zeppelin” for when that stoner ex-boyfriend was such a massive pile of shit that douche-bag doesn’t properly describe the full force of his asinine existence.  I love her for this! You would love her too, so be sure to check her out because her “self-worth is based on page views.”  

 

#2.  Elizabeth Jayne Liu is the most adorable thug you will ever meet in your life.  I feel fairly certain she hates me right now for calling her adorable, but I just want to squeeze her cuteness … and then we can go cut a bitch together.  Like me, Elizabeth doesn’t feel the need to filter herself.  She admits that she tried to stop swearing once, but this led to drugs.  Elizabeth is leaps and bounds and other big jumping kinds of words more popular than me, but I still want to plug her awesomeness.  She is totally hilarious, and also offers excellent advice.  Such advice is evident in her checklist to determine if you’re dating a mother fucker.  Liu poses such questions as “Do all of his ex-girlfriends hate the shit out of him?” Answer yes to any of the questions involved in this asshole assessment and Liu offers: “Run like the wind, bitch, run like the wind.”  If you aren’t already following her blog, run like the wind to Flourish in Progress and embrace (t)hug life with Liu.

 

#3.  This one is my required Blogger Idol candidate.  However, I would have recommended her regardless.  It’s the CheekyDiva – deep thoughts from a shallow mind.  You will know why I’m loving on this lady if you head over to her blog right now and read the current post heading: “Hey Dumbass – yeah you, listen up!”  I want to get shit-faced with this woman and shout insults at random strangers.  I think we had the same idea going into blogging.  She recalls her start-up like this: “ Me: I’ll start a blog. It will be the most bestest creation ever. All will read and bow down to me and I will have a book deal by the end of the first week.”  If you’re a friend or follower, this sounds far too much like me.  Does everyone remember when I sent a letter to Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess) at week six, whining: “I’ve been at this shit for like six weeks.  Why am I not wildly popular by now? What the fuck?”  The Cheeky Diva shares plenty of her WTF moments too, and they are all laugh out loud (really) hysterical. 

 

#4.  Mayor Gia is another blogger I discovered through the wonderful world of yeah write.  But, Mayor Gia doesn’t just write like the rest of us boring, tiresome fucks.  She is an amazing animator, and is guaranteed to have you laughing (yes, out loud).  Truth be told, my own spouse reads more posts from Mayor Gia than he does from me.  Expect to read my post about getting a divorce in the coming weeks (yeah, not really – I fucking love him, and who else would put up with my crazy ass?).  Anyway, let’s get back to Mayor Gia, who had the brilliant idea of adult trick-or-treating for alcohol.  This is another woman I want to drink with – but no wine coolers.  In the world of Adult Trick or Treat, Bartles and Jaymes is equivalent to pennies or rotten bananas.  She’s the mayor of her own crazy town, and sheriff too.  I wouldn’t mind getting in trouble with the law if it meant spending time with this bad ass babe.

#5.  Yeah … you guessed it.  I need not spread the love for her; it’s already out there – lots and lots of love.  Nonetheless, Jenny Lawson is truly an inspiration to me, and many others.  Lawson is an inspiration not for her blog alone, but for sharing her life with us – no holds barred.  I love that she addresses her anxiety and depression, letting us know we are not alone.  Such sharing and motivating is a personal goal of mine as well, through my writing and my every word and action in life outside the blogging community.  Lawson also allowed me to trust myself and be genuine.  Yeah, I said “fuck.”  So what?  I love Lawson’s phrase: “It’s only offensive to assholes.”  I embraced that shit like nobody’s business!  Like Mother Teresa, but better, if you’re not already all over that, you need to check out TheBloggess right this fucking instant!

 

And I also have to give a shout out here to my best friend, Angie.  Angie doesn’t blog, but she reads mine faithfully and encourages me constantly.  Angie read Lawson’s blog after Beyoncé (not Knowles – the giant metal rooster … you really oughtta know) blew up and went crazy viral.  She heard my voice in Lawson’s and recognized our similar personalities and struggles.  Thus, Angie felt I could write a popular blog too, and I never, ever would have embarked upon this journey without her.  So, thank you so much Angie! I love you to the moon and back! Thank you for believing in me.  You have helped me back up time and time again, and I am so blessed with your friendship! Heart icon. Smiley face.

#payitforward

Help spread the love by liking Not Appropriate Angela on facebook!

And, Blogger is still being naughty, but the links should work even if they are not properly highlighting.  I linked up the first mention of the blog title, not the individual author's name.  Do check them out -- for reals! These women are wonderful!!! (3 Exclamation Marks = You better believe that shit)

I Hate Taking Showers



Feel free to believe this is me.

I hate taking showers.  This is not because I positively love to sit around in my own stench.  Rather, I hate them because I feel that I must “abandon” my children, if only temporarily, in order to shampoo my hair and shave my legs.  I must constantly resist the temptation to run out of the shower sopping wet every single time that I hear one of my children even squawk.  I have indeed ran to them several times, and I know that I am eventually bound to slip on the bathroom tile and bruise my ass (pin it!).  In addition to this, I don’t know if I am actually benefiting my children or scarring them by running at them nude in crazed, concerned mother mode.

This morning, I felt especially terrible and selfish because I actually took the time to shave my inner thighs (you’re welcome, Sam).  Before entering the shower, I lay my two month son on the bed because then he’s near enough to hear me, and my voice is usually enough to calm him.  I left my daughter with a glass of milk and the “Octonauts.”  At twenty-two months, she is already quite independent and can be trusted to watch her cartoons and play safely while I’m showering.

Isaac, however, would not be soothed by the sound of my voice this morning no matter how many times I repeated, “It’s okay sweetheart.  It’s okay.  Mommy is right here.  Mommy loves you.  Mommy is almost done.”  I skipped saying this part aloud, but was also thinking Mommy is a hairy beast right now so you need to stop crying so daddy will touch her again.  I was determined to finally fully shave after weeks of skipping this.  Therefore, I sought the aid of my daughter.  “Emily,” I hollered out while peeping my head around the shower curtain, “Give your little brother some love. Let him know everything is okay.”

Very soon after my request, Isaac had indeed stopped his sobbing and I could now apply my shave gel guilt free.  When I exited the shower, smooth as my baby’s bare ass, what I saw made me erupt into tears as I was so completely overwhelmed with love for my two children.

Emily had crawled up on the bed and snuggled herself right up to Isaac.  She held his tiny hand in hers and gently rubbed his head with her other hand.  She beamed so brightly in a warm exhibit of her pride at being a helpful big sister. She smiled, he softly cooed, and my heart wholly melted. 

This is why forgiveness is so damn important, my friends – so that we may truly experience such moments of absolute joy.

A Little Love on the Blog

Last night, I spoke with my mother-in-law over the telephone.  She commented, “Well, you certainly had some interesting stories in your last few blog posts.” 

Oh shit, I thought, but I did not say this aloud.  What I did say was, “You’re still reading the blog? You were supposed to stop somewhere around ‘The Short List.’”

And then I thought oh shit again.  Oh shit.  Please don’t start talking about the short list Terri.  I do not want to talk to you about how Jason Statham gets me a little tingly in my naughty no-no parts.

She didn’t say anything more on that.  Rather, she continued, “I just have to keep reminding myself of what you wrote about people being multidimensional.  I tell myself that the woman who writes this blog is not really the same woman who raises my grandchildren.”

It’s true.  My children are adorned with kisses and hugs and called “love bug,” “cuddle buddy,” “sweetie pie,” and the like.  I will never call my daughter a “total vagina.”  Okay --- never say never; we’re a long way from her teenage years.  But, I currently talk sweetly and appropriately to my precious babies.

I participate in many other practices of ooey-gooey sickening sweetness.  I know I risk ruining my reputation as an awesome bitch, but I thought I would put a little love on my blog today.  This is for Terri.  I could make some atrocious, cliché mother-in-law jokes, but I really do love that lady.  

So, the truth is that sometimes I take all of the pennies out of my purse, put them in the palm of my hand and walk around sporadically and secretly dropping them on the ground in the hopes that some stranger will later discover them and believe she has been blessed with luck.  The magic is in the believing.

Sometimes I purposely leave change in the vending machine.  Finding an extra nickel in the change slot always totally makes my day.  It’s so simple, yet I know that I will be making someone momentarily, but completely, blissfully happy.

I like to give cash tips to little kids who have set up lemonade stands.  You should see the smiles you receive when you tell them to keep the change of an entire five dollar bill for one fifty cent cup of god awful overly sour lemonade.

I like to let complete strangers know if they have an especially flattering haircut or great fitting pair of jeans.  This kindness to strangers will hopefully give me good karma.  I need some positive karma after yesterday’s post!

So, after reading this, promise to spread a little love to others around you too – whether they are your children, your in-laws, or complete strangers.   Tell someone you have never met that he or she is beautiful, and embrace that individual in your arms.  I’ll be hoping that you get a warm reception and avoid being punched in the throat.  Smiley face.