Last night, I spoke with my mother-in-law over the telephone. She commented, “Well, you certainly had some interesting stories in your last few blog posts.”
Oh shit, I thought, but I did not say this aloud. What I did say was, “You’re still reading the blog? You were supposed to stop somewhere around ‘The Short List.’”
And then I thought oh shit again. Oh shit. Please don’t start talking about the short list Terri. I do not want to talk to you about how Jason Statham gets me a little tingly in my naughty no-no parts.
She didn’t say anything more on that. Rather, she continued, “I just have to keep reminding myself of what you wrote about people being multidimensional. I tell myself that the woman who writes this blog is not really the same woman who raises my grandchildren.”
It’s true. My children are adorned with kisses and hugs and called “love bug,” “cuddle buddy,” “sweetie pie,” and the like. I will never call my daughter a “total vagina.” Okay --- never say never; we’re a long way from her teenage years. But, I currently talk sweetly and appropriately to my precious babies.
I participate in many other practices of ooey-gooey sickening sweetness. I know I risk ruining my reputation as an awesome bitch, but I thought I would put a little love on my blog today. This is for Terri. I could make some atrocious, cliché mother-in-law jokes, but I really do love that lady.
So, the truth is that sometimes I take all of the pennies out of my purse, put them in the palm of my hand and walk around sporadically and secretly dropping them on the ground in the hopes that some stranger will later discover them and believe she has been blessed with luck. The magic is in the believing.
Sometimes I purposely leave change in the vending machine. Finding an extra nickel in the change slot always totally makes my day. It’s so simple, yet I know that I will be making someone momentarily, but completely, blissfully happy.
I like to give cash tips to little kids who have set up lemonade stands. You should see the smiles you receive when you tell them to keep the change of an entire five dollar bill for one fifty cent cup of god awful overly sour lemonade.
I like to let complete strangers know if they have an especially flattering haircut or great fitting pair of jeans. This kindness to strangers will hopefully give me good karma. I need some positive karma after yesterday’s post!
So, after reading this, promise to spread a little love to others around you too – whether they are your children, your in-laws, or complete strangers. Tell someone you have never met that he or she is beautiful, and embrace that individual in your arms. I’ll be hoping that you get a warm reception and avoid being punched in the throat. Smiley face.