It's Just Humor, Folks

Lately, I have been putting myself up on the scaffolding – ready to hang my neck with shame or approach a guillotine of guilt.  I feel like there should be a scarlet letter emblazoned on my breast. But not an “A” for adulterer –but a “B” for bitch.  And why? For writing this silly damn blog.  It can’t possibly be a positive reflection of my character.  I worry that it might put me in negative situations down the road, which is why I just need to increase my readership by leaps and bounds very, very quickly so I can become published and future employment won’t matter. (Help me blow this shit up, people!)

 I’m very aware this is my husband’s concern too.  After I shared with him my first few posts, I asked, “So … what do you think?”  He hesitated for a really long time, and then said they were “uhm … interesting.”  He continued, “I’m just concerned about potential consequences.  I mean, you do want to have a job again, right?”  Although I’m now feeling like a bit of a guilty little goose, I was feeling like a large defensive smart ass at the time.  Therefore, I replied, “It doesn’t matter anyhow because people are gonna love this stuff and I’m gonna get rich.  Look at Julie and Julia.  That bitch made it big writing a blog about food.  I’ve got to be more interesting than biscuits and gravy.”  

Those who really know me, though, know that I am an incredibly good, kind, positive person.  And I think Julia Child is a delightful personality, although my younger brother was correct when he once saw her on television around the age of ten and asked why that woman was talking like Kermit the Frog. So, isn’t it possible that I can be a good role model and simultaneously write a blog with “dick” and “skank” in its post titles?  I believe it was Bonaparte (that crazy little French bastard) who said, “Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.”  And while some of his actions were less than favorable, wouldn’t you agree it’s an inspirational quote? We are all multidimensional beings, right?

As evidence of such, yesterday I had to speak to some students about watching their language because they were cursing during study hall.  (By this point, you’ve probably figured out I am employed again, although not truly teaching. I currently supervise study hall part time in a new district.) Of course, they would not simply accept my request to stop cursing.  They started talking to me about freedom of speech and individual expression.  I explained to them that just because their cursing was not considered criminal, this did not mean it was without consequence. 

I further explained to them that language and speech need to be situational.  I mean, I don’t go around dropping “f-bombs” in front of my students or my own children.  I said to these two teenage males, “I swear too, but I don’t do it at school.  It’s not appropriate for me, and it’s not appropriate for you.” They looked at me with expressions of curiosity and disbelief.  “You swear?” they asked.  “No,” they continued, “You can’t possibly swear.  You’re too nice.”  Then again asking, “Really?” 

First, you have to realize that most students – even high school students – don’t think of their teachers as actual human beings.  Once, in the lunch line, a student asked a fellow teacher who had just made an unhealthy purchase, “You eat nachos?  I didn’t think teachers ate nachos.”  On another occasion, a student said of my then associate principal, “I saw Mr. D---- filling up his car at the gas station last night.  He was wearing jeans.  It totally creeped me out.”

Second, I need you all to realize this, although I also recognize I may be the only person who is currently questioning this because I have a brain that does not shut off (this is something you should have also figured out by this point if you’ve been following my posts): I am a really good person and possess incredible quality of character.  And if you don’t believe me, go fuck yourself. Relax; it’s just humor folks.