Monday, March 24, 2014


I have a confession to make: I hate twitter.  Yeah, I know it's beneficial for marketing and networking with other writers, but to me it honestly just feels like one more damn obligation.  This is not to say that connecting with others feels like a duty too; I enjoy making connections with other bloggers and like-minded individuals.  However, there are other outlets for that, and facebook is my preferred form of social media.  (So, you know, you should totally follow me there.)
Despite my disdain for twitter, I made myself a very simple goal last week.  I thought it was simple anyway.  However, perhaps one should not make any additional demands upon oneself when she is trying to return to employment after a two week absence due to severe depression, is currently taking a new antipsychotic drug to support the antidepressant that isn’t quite doing the job battling bipolar with the addition of seasonal affective depression, is raising two toddler children, is battling fibromyalgia, is coaching, and is also beginning her freelance writing career with several writing assignments due in the week.  That should have been enough for me, but I decided that last week was the week I finally play along with these weekly hashtags I’m sure most of you are familiar with.
I'm down for the weird stuff, Franco.
Therefore, I made my goal known on twitter and facebook.  I started off my #mancrushmonday with a lovely photo of James Franco from his guest spot on 30 Rock, announcing I wouldn’t mind taking on the Liz Lemon role in the Franco/Kimiko threesome.  I must admit I had to google what Tuesday’s hashtag was.  Let’s be honest, I don’t live in the hippest locale in the world, so I’m not always current on these kinds of things.  At any rate, I managed to follow through with #transformationtuesday, #womancrushwednesday, and #throwbackthursday, although as an English instructor, I cringe when typing these words without spaces and proper capitalization. 
Then Friday came, and it was a long fucking week for me, y’all.  I don’t know what the hell kind of hashtagged (is this a word?) day Friday was supposed to be either.  I would have googled that shit had I the energy to meet my goal.  Alas, I could not even follow through with a week of obnoxious hashtags. 
Therefore, despite whatever Friday’s formerly popular hashtag was, I am now declaring Friday #fuckitfriday, for when you just barely made it through the week, and praise the Lord, but you ain’t got the energy for any other kind of bullshit, so give me a Miller Lite and a bag of Doritos and just let me pass out on the couch. Whatever, I did enough this week, mother fuckers.  That’s #fuckitfriday, my friends.
The Mac Dad will make ya Jump, Jump
And as Monday rolls around again, and I’m still struggling, I petition that Monday no longer be #mancrushmonday and rather become #mehmonday.  #mehmonday is for those days you just want to say, “Hey, I showered.  You better be fucking happy with that.  Don’t expect me to change the world today.  I showed up to work, didn’t I?  So shut your damn trap and just let me survive.  Kids, watch cartoons and don’t whine to Momma today, it’s #mehmonday.”  I know you all can feel me on this one, right?  I don’t have time on Monday to think about whom I might want to fuck, because I wouldn’t have the energy even if James Franco showed up on my door step.  “Hey, Franco,” I’d say, “So, I applaud your effort on As I Lay Dying, but I haven’t shaved my legs (and other unmentionables) in over a week and I’m kind of tired.  You want some Doritos?  You can share my chips, but I ain’t up for fucking nobody tonight.” 
So, twitter, quit making more work for me.  I have enough shit on my plate.  Can’t I just eat Doritos and take naps?  Why must I post pictures of me from 1993 when I was in hip-hop dance class and performing to Kris Kross’ “Jump”?  Hey, I’m pretty damn hot for a fifteen-year-old though, huh, Nabokov?  

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