Okay Mommy Bloggers! It’s time that we stand united and take a stand against a very important issue that is bringing unequivocal damage and great torment to our lives. That’s right: NickMom!
If you have a child(ren) under age five, I assume you know what I’m talking about. If not, I will quickly fill you in on this horrendous terror that has been nothing but pain and deep, deep irritation to my life. NickMom is being marketed as “the place for all things funny, just for moms.” In truth, NickMom is not even remotely funny. It’s a bunch of screeching, whining, shitty-ass “comedians” (I bring attention to this word because it’s very generous to call these individuals comic) making jokes about raising kids.
So, I was changing my baby’s diaper today, you know. You all changed diapers before? Yeah, you know what I mean. (Audience applause expected here.) Well, I was changing that diaper and that baby was wiggling all over the place just like a little worm, you know. (More laughter and applause expected.) I wish he was a worm so I could just throw that kid out in the dirt instead of changing his diapers and making him bottles. (Expectation of laughter.) Man, you know what I mean? (Chuckle, chuckle.) Being a mom is damn hard. I hate my fucking kids. (Uproarious laughter. End of skit.)
Yeah, that shit ain’t funny, bitch. And, hearing about how you hate your kids is not a relief at the end of my hard day of being a mom. Yes, you’re right that being a mother is hard work, but I love it. I don’t hate my kids. But, sometimes my daughter is still awake when your awful NickMom programming comes on, and because I love her, but dealing with her can be difficult, I want fucking Dora the Explorer back to cool that toddler down. You hear me? Fuck you, NickMom!
Direct from NickMom’s site, they boast:” Really, where else are you going to laugh at last-minute diorama projects, sleep deprivation and what to say at the goldfish's funeral all in one place? (You're welcome.)”
Don’t tell me I’m welcome because I never said thank you. I hate you, NickMom. And where else am I going to laugh at sleep deprivation and the other funny moments of being a parent? My own god-damn life. I’m able to find the funny in those situations and cherish them because they’re my own children. I don’t need to hear it from some struggling, bitter “comedian.” Your shows seriously give me a headache and they need to fucking go.
Well, I did a little research on NickMom today because I’ve seriously had it with this god-awful programming. It seems I am not alone. You can join the “Cancel NickMom”facebook page, a petition created that states: “Nick Moms want a station their kids can enjoy anytime!” I highly suggest you join me in this movement and head on over and add yourself to this petition. Even if you are not a mother, trust me that this shit has got to go.
Furthermore, there is a CancelNickMom movement headquarters, and I highly applaud their efforts. Not only is NickMom extremely annoying, it is highly inappropriate programming for what was designed to be a 24 hour pre-school channel. The “comedy” is often foul and perverse, and does not belong on Nickelodeon. I highly encourage you to visit the Cancel NickMom headquarters and learn more about what you can do. It’s true that real moms don’t watch NickMom. Real moms suffer through hours of Bubble Guppies and Wonder Pets, and that’s what we want to keep on doing.
Say it with me now: Hey-Ho! Hey-Ho! NickMom has got to go! Sign the petition today.