Monday, October 22, 2012

The Big and Beautiful Bullshit

In another round of Blogger Idol, we were given this new challenge: “You need to pick a news-worthy hot topic, write about it, and give your feelings about it.”  So, here’s my take on recent entertainment news. As always, enjoy!

Christina Aguilera has come under a lot of heat in recent years for her increased body size.  But now it seems that Christina’s so-called “curves” might be paying off for her – to the tune of three million dollars.  Aguilera was recently offered a spokesperson contract with, a dating website created for “chubby chasers” (I hate that fucking term; I am seriously cringing while typing this).  The website was created by former America’s Next Top Model contestant, Whitney Thompson. 

Thompson’s site boasts “On our dating site, women no longer need to fear the word ‘fat.’”  Now, I’m going to agree– Christina has not looked the best she ever has in her life, and she has undoubtedly gained weight.  But, we must remember that we first met Christina when she was only a teenager.  When my husband first met me, I was only 104 pounds at age twenty (partly because I was manic and took three aerobics classes daily). And here’s the truth folks: Unless you have a shit ton of time to devote to exercise or have a naturally high metabolism, women gain weight with age.  So what? You all need to calm the fuck down and quit hating. Yes, she could currently be confused for a street-walker as opposed to a celebrity, but Christina Aguilera is NOT fat! Why should she represent a site that doesn’t even apply to her? Thompson needs to be approaching “Too Fat for Sex” (actual magazine cover I once read) Kirstie Alley.  
And if we’re going to keep shit real here, let’s talk more about this Whitney woman, creator of the plus-sized dating service that propositioned Aguilera.  Woman – you are not plus-sized! According to Fashion Model Directory, Whitney Thompson is 5’10” and weighs 165 pounds.  Bitch! I weigh 165 pounds, and I’m only 5’3”.  I most certainly do not classify myself as “big and beautiful” either.  I wear a size ten and I’m okay with that, without having to be told that it’s okay for me to be okay by someone four sizes smaller than me.  When I tell you I’m okay with this, it’s also simply; I don’t feel the need to declare that I love my “curves”  (I also hate this term – am I a beautiful, intelligent human being or a dangerous, twisting asphalt road?).

Aguilera has yet to make any comment on the offer, but some sources believe she would be a suitable fit as she has lately spoken out about her fluctuating body size.  In a recent Lucky magazine article, Aguilera remarked, “As long as I’m happy in my own skin, that’s all I need.  I used to be too thin, so I love that now I have a booty.”  Aguilera added, “And, obviously, I love showing my cleavage.”

No shit, Christina! Have you all been watching The Voice?  If you don’t view this show for the vocalists, you should do it for the very real possibility of a nipple slip.  Put those things away, Christina! Further, I throw down the bullshit flag on the fact that Aguilera embraces her new body.  If so, please buy some properly fitting clothes and quit trying to dress like a twenty-one year old skank.  You’re thirty-one and a mother, so if you wore actual pants and put those monster titties away, you would be undeniably beautiful Christina!

Most importantly – Christina would simply be beautiful – not BIG and beautiful.  I, too, am a beautiful, average-sized woman.  No plus-sized dating site, magazine article, or other source is going to convince me otherwise.  Whitney Thompson – your site is a bunch of big, ugly bullshit!

You ARE Beautiful  --  At Any Size!!


Author’s Aside: While I wouldn’t actually believe it, I would do a little dance in a commercial to a song called “I’m a fucking tub of lard and loving it!” for three million dollars.  Contact me if you’re interested, Miss Thompson.






  1. She sure s endanger of nipple slippage. I watch The Voice, usually, and she is very attractive. However, "if you wore actual pants and put those monster titties away, you would be undeniably beautiful Christina!" couldn't agree more. Whitney at 5'10" 165lbs. is not plus. She's normal or a bit thin. Dress properly and you'll always look, and feel, great. Fantasic points made!

    1. Geeze! iPad with bad reception. *is in danger.

  2. Preach! Couldn't agree more about the terms chubby chaser and curves. Ack.

  3. Preach! Couldn't agree more about the terms chubby chaser and curves. Ack.

  4. Well said. Remember, Marilyn Monroe was somewhere between size 10-12.