Unlike the vast majority of American women, I hate the book and movie The Notebook. Truth be told, I hate Nicholas Sparks – period. All of his novels seem to follow the same plot structure: young couple falls in love, couple is torn apart under unfortunate circumstances, couple is reunited and love springs eternal forever and always. Puke. Seriously. I am not the stereotype of a woman who reads romantic novels and weeps while watching P.S. – I Love You. Like all Nicholas Sparks, that shit is just too sappy for me and romances like that rarely exist in real life. If they do, the couple is never as attractive as Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams.
Despite my distaste of most romances, I still sometimes want my own Ryan Gosling. I want Ryan Gosling to nod and tilt his pretty little head at me and ask, “Hey girl, what can I make you for breakfast?” Then he would let me sleep in a little later while he prepared our morning meal, we would eat french toast, and then we would crawl back in bed and fuck some more. If you’re a friend or follower, I know the first question you’re asking is, “Wait? Aren’t you married bitch?” Yes, yes I am. Relax. Having put that question aside, the next logical inquiry for followers is, “Well, then why doesn’t Ryan Gosling make your short list?”
The response to this very vital query lies in a man’s confidence. If I were to view a picture of Gosling in a magazine, the image of him alone would not be enough to spawn dirty thoughts in my mind. The reason Gosling has become the admiration of so many women lies in the way he carries himself. Speaking personally, I am not attracted to Gosling of The Notebook, but my panties would get a little wet if I encountered Gosling’s character in Crazy Stupid Love. I want a man who is cool and in charge, who makes me feel like the sexiest girl in the room.
I want my man, my spouse, who I adore beyond belief, to gain the ability to carry himself with more confidence. As my spouse and I were out at a martini bar this past Saturday, I leaned back in the comfortable leather chair I was sitting in and observed the man across from me. He was still wearing the pink top and tie he had donned for our daughter’s “tutu and ties” birthday party, and I admired him for seemingly disregarding other’s perceptions of his apparel. But, he didn’t quite pull off this look with the confidence of Gosling’s character. He still seemed a bit awkward and shy.
I smiled at him, and he smiled back. I felt comfortable and cool sitting in the bar’s back alcove with our friends. I continued to contemplate my husband, wishing he would give me a tiny Gosling glance and make me believe I was as sexy and desirable as Emma Stone. He didn’t, and I averted my eyes to the floor in a small moment of disappointment I wished to be visible to no one. As I looked down, I noticed my husband’s pair of New Balance shoes and realized what I then spoke aloud to our friends: “Shit. Sam is just like Steve Carell before Ryan Gosling’s help!” I know that was a bitchy remark to make, but a) I’m a bitch and b) I was also a slightly intoxicated bitch, which makes me even bolder.
My husband is never going to look like Ryan Gosling. I am never going to look like Emma Stone. I don’t give a shit about that. It’s that take charge confidence that I’m missing. I wish this not just for myself, but for both of us. Sometimes I still believe that I’m hilarious and sexy and crazy cool, even if others don’t find this to be true. Their opinions don’t matter because I love those moments when such a high level of self-confidence is my truth. I just want my husband to know that kind of truth for himself too. I want him to recognize that he is hysterical, hip, and handsome. I really just want to make love to my own spouse (who does make me french toast most Saturday mornings), but while he believes he’s just as attractive to me as Ryan Gosling is to the common woman.
Love really is crazy, and stupid, and complicated. But if all I really want is a more confident husband, instead of actually wishing for an extramarital affair with an actor, I think my adoring spouse and I will be just fine. I can keep on bringing the crazy to our love. Nicholas Sparks might be lacking for material in our marriage, but I wouldn’t actually choose any other protagonist of this plot – not even Ryan Gosling. This is real life, where New Balance shoes are an affordable and practical purchase.
I decided to link this post up with Yeah Write. I'm quite certain all the folks on the grid want to read about my sexual fantasies ... quite certain indeed. Smiley face.