I have been challenged to write today. I have a handful of ideas scribbled down in a journal, but none of them are inspiring me at the moment. I have very little energy, and just feel completely clouded in a heavy depression.
I’ve attempted to start a few projects around the home, but find myself getting distracted and pulled by a heavy desire to crawl back into bed.
Often, when I ‘m feeling like this, I cope by retreating into the bathtub with a book. I did just that today, but it didn’t relax or renew me as it normally did. I wanted to transport myself onto the pages of the piece of fiction I held in my damp hands. And when I let the water out of the tub, I somewhat wished I too could disappear down the drain.
Despite such damning emotions, I still possess a determination to fully complete National Blog Post Month. I just need to know that I can do it, even when I’m in such a miserable state. If I can do this, no matter how insignificant the success may seem, perhaps it’s demonstrative of all the other demons I can defeat and dreams I can achieve with a little will – and a whole lot of fight.
So, I’m trying. I sat down at my lap top immediately after getting out of the bath. I quite literally mean immediately – anxious to accomplish something for fear of falling back into the bed and failing. Because I felt such an urgent need to get something on the page and posted, I took a seat on my stool while wrapped in only a towel.
I sat staring at a blank Word document for quite some time, then announcing to my husband, “I don’t know what to write.”
“Yep, I got nothing either,” he mumbled, as he remained slumped on the couch watching football.
When my daughter realized I was out of the tub, she happily announced, “Oh, my Mommy's up!” and stopped snuggling her father on the couch in order to approach me. As she neared, she realized my lack of apparel. She then stopped dead in her tracks, and yelled, “Aaah! Momma, you naked! You got to go get some clothes on!”
So, for today, I suppose I leave you with that, having so been instructed that next time I try to write I must be fully attired. Hopefully, with clothing on, I’m also more inspired.