Free Porn and Cat Videos

When I first started this blog, it was at around three am a little over a year ago.  This was also during the height of a manic episode.  A great deal of cursing spewed forth as my fingers rushed across the keyboard, and I also felt a stirring of guilt with each profanity I typed.  However, I liked my words -- they were real, honest, and raw.  I mean, I curse, -- big fucking deal.  I did not curse in my professional life though as a former full time AP English Teacher and Debate Coach.  Due to my fear of having this blog potentially block me from future employment, my title became a bit of a warning: “Not Appropriate for All Audiences.”

 In my mind, this somehow translated: “Dear potential employers, I get it.  I know not everything I write here will be school appropriate, but this writing is not intended to be seen by students.  I can separate my worlds and be a professional when the situation calls for it. So, students, parents, potential employers, and probably most grandparents -- just don’t read this shit.  Good? Good.”

 When I first started this blog, most of what I wrote was also snarky, sarcastic, and comical.  As the time has passed, this blog has progressed and changed too.  In fact, some of my favorite posts aren’t satirical or obtuse with profanity.  They’re sweet and sentimental.  They talk about my love for my children, or my battles with bipolar disorder.  Every word I write is genuine, and some of it is perfectly appropriate for all audiences.  You see where I’m going here?  The title just doesn’t make sense anymore -- and it’s simply too damn long.  Therefore, I have been contemplating some new blog titles in my head.  I record ten alternate titles here, and kindly ask for your genuine feedback.  

 

1.         The Purple Tutu Project
        Tag: Choosing Happiness in a World of Chaos

 

This title comes from one of my favorite posts, one that I hoped would be far more popular than it actually was.  I like the concept that I’m going to survive and choose happiness when I am able to, despite all the chaos and crazy in life.  I had hoped it was a concept others could get behind too, and we could make a movement. So … let’s get going here folks.

 

2.       Type Through This

        Tag: Documenting Life’s Ups and Downs

Not yet quite as crazy as Courtney Love

 
Alliteration was my first draw to this title (I’m a geek), and the rationale is that I write through many different emotions and struggles in my life, and finding the energy and inspiration to write (given my mental illness) is often quite challenging.  Further, it’s a slight allusion to Courtney Love and “Live Through This,” only I’m less gross and don’t let random dudes suck on my nipples at the Burger King (such behavior is only acceptable at the Dairy Queen, as everyone knows).  


 

3.       The Illuminati Runs this Blog

 

I really don’t like this title, but I figured it would bring in readers like hotcakes (who uses that phrase anymore? What am I, 90 years old?)  I have learned that the World Wide Web (another outdated phrase) goes loco for the illuminati.  My post about the illuminati and the rap industry, which is not even particularly strong writing, has more readership than any other post.  People are quite frequently brought to my blog due to interest in the illuminati.  Imagine how popular my blog would be if I mentioned the illuminati in the title?  I conceive it could be excessively popular if I considered joining forces with this occult master group, but I’m not markedly interested in getting ass-fucked by Satan at this time.  I might reconsider in a few months.

 

4.      And Now This …

             Tag: Declarations and Disappointments

 

When you read this title, you have to imagine the tone in which I would orally state it.  On one hand, I would be making this statement in the fashion of a newscaster, reporting “And now this … Ann Coulter is a cunt.”  On the other hand, I would be announcing it with a defeated puff of air, “... and now this,” like I’ve got just another pile of shit, or one more fucking illness, to deal with.  You might imagine it like this, “So, I’m manic-depressive, I have PTSD, I have colitis, I have carpal tunnel, and eczema, and now this! I was just diagnosed with fibromyalgia! Argh! How am I going to deal?” Imagine me looking like a frazzled Cathy comic as I deliver this line.  Got it? Good.

 

5.       Bitch, Please

             Tag: Some People Have Real Problems

 

I often find myself thinking such phrases internally.  The first time I believe I ever used this phrase aloud was when I returned to university as a non-traditional student and overheard the following conversation: “I know my roommate is using my computer.  I mean, I’m like, sure of it, and she will not admit it.  So, do you know what I did, Callie? I took a strand of my hair and I placed it right atop the shift key, so when I get home from class, if that hair is, like, missing, I know it’s her.”  Bitch, please.  Some people have real problems.  Communication might be a better fucking approach.  At any rate, I thought this title could cover both my snarky and more serious side.  

 

6. Just Write

 

This is simple, but I like it.  My fear, however, is that it’s probably already in use a thousand times over.  As many of you probably know, this title is appropriate as I so often doubt myself and my abilities, and then stop writing for periods of time.  However, writing makes me happy and it’s naturally cathartic.  I also hope that my readers find my words enjoyable, so I should just write.  Simple, right?  I wish it were simple.

 

7.  This Blog is Bipolar

 

As my blog is a representation of me, quite naturally, this blog truly is bipolar.  One day I will write a post about the top celebrities I most want to fuck (hard) and the next day I write a sestina about my love for my newborn daughter.  I’m all over the map, and so is this blog.  My fear with this title, though, is that it might actually contribute to the stigma surrounding mental illness, which is really in direct opposition to my desire to properly educate others about depression, bipolar, post-traumatic stress disorder, addiction, and the like.  

 

8.  Sarcasm Font Needed

 

If you’ve read this blog before, you know I use this three word phrase quite frequently.  Although there are immense benefits to online communication, it also allows for more misinterpretation.  As tone cannot as easily be identified as with verbal communication, errors and misunderstandings do occur.  Therefore, I firmly propose that the United States of America adopt a sarcasm font.  It’s like using CAPS when you’re PISSED OFF.

 

9. Dear Terri,

          Tag: Things my Mother-in-Law Probably shouldn’t be Reading
 

Other than the same friend who encouraged me to write this blog (who has admitted to anxiously awaiting new posts), no one reads this blog more regularly than my mother-in-law.  I know most folks make jokes about their awful, insufferable in-laws.  You might expect that from me, but I’m lucky and I actually adore my mother-in-law.  However, this still doesn’t mean I want her to read everything I post here.  I want her to still like me, and sometimes I make that difficult. She admitted she wasn’t especially fond of the post talking about her son’s poor suffering existence due to his infrequent receipt of hand jobs. 

  

10. Free Porn and Cat Videos

             Tag: Offering Everything ‘Murica Loves About the Internets

My mother-in-law may not be too excited with this title either, especially with my admittance that this one was her son’s suggestion.  After attempting to offer me encouragement by stating that my blog was “more than adequate,” my husband then offered, “Well, if you really want more people to read it, you should title it ‘Free Porn and Cat Videos.’  That’s the shit people are always searching Google for.”  Clearly, my husband is a genius, or maybe I need to more carefully check his search history. 

                                                       'Murica Cat                                                      

 

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So … let’s hear it! I would so greatly appreciate your feedback.  Do I make a change to one of these titles or leave the blog as it is?  Do you have another brilliant idea for me?  I want to know! Thanks in advance.