People love lists; this I know to be true. For some reason, the same information that was formerly presented in block form and declared a snore-fest can be reformatted into a list and folks will go batty for that shit. It's a strange occurrence, but one which I have now opted to exploit in an attempt to gain readership. Please love me; I want you to love me. I
will probably be wrong about the popularity of lists too, just as I was completely
mistaken about these three things.
1.
Spicy Foreign Food
I thought I was a fan of spicy foods. My father thoroughly enjoyed spiced and
curried foods, and because I admired my father, I was age six and adding
tabasco sauce to my pizza in pursuit of his favor. Even at a young age, I liked things hot and
spicy (yes – it’s an innuendo, so perverts do enjoy). I recall one evening in my youth when we
dined at the house of a family friend of Korean descent. My father suggested I eat grilled cheese with
the other children, as he believed her homemade pizza was too piquant and
peppery for me. I assured him I would
appreciate the foreign flavors, and he eventually granted me a slice while
gaining my earnest oath to eat the whole piece. He was right about that pizza,
and I was dreadfully wrong, disgusted by the unfamiliar, fiery flavors. Rather
than admit my error, I did what seemed logical in the moment and thus slid the
slice of pizza behind a bookcase when no one was looking. Not only was I proved mistaken that evening,
but apparently I was also a sneaky little asshole.
2.
Adult Acne
In reality, my acne problem was never truly that bad, but I was
tormented into believing so by a grandmother who made me scrub my face with
fresh asparagus juice, a home remedy she had read about. So, as a teen, I had occasional break-outs,
but I always smelt quite odd. Because
every single adolescent zit was viewed as a sign of the apocalypse, I could not
wait until I turned eighteen as my fervent belief was that adults didn’t get
acne. It’s embarrassing, but I truly
believed this right up until my own eighteenth birthday. Given that I now break out like a fucking
fifteen-year-old whenever “that time of the month” rolls around, I acknowledge
I was sorely deceived. Last month, my
husband came home from work one evening to greet me with, “Oh, Angela, ugh,”
while looking disgustedly at my chin. He
then proceeded to ask, “Did any of your students make fun of you today?” No,
asshole, they didn’t, but I was definitely wrong about adult acne.
3.
PMS
Well, you live and you learn, and all that other bullshit
folks. Let’s just hope I don’t have to
make too many more of these lists.
I do love spicy food though it doesn't always love me. And I have a case of acne now. A little spot that I can't do anything with. Making me crazy.
ReplyDeleteWow, walking around smelling like asparagus in your teenage years might be worse than walking around in a cloud of BO. Rough! I hear ya about the PMS thing. I thought I didn't get it, either, probably because I lived alone. I was perfect, as far as I knew! Still am!
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